After visualizing dozens of site cows in the blogosphere, I decided to get my own too! Here it is, andrefaca.com’s cow:

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Thinking about coming to Portugal for vacation? That’s great to know! I compiled some phrases that will help you enjoy your stay here, while having some fun too.
Here they are:

Sweet Greetings

“You’ve put on weight”
“Engordaste pá!”

“Weren’t you arrested yet?”
“Então, ainda não foste preso?”

General chit-chat

“Would you stop spitting on me while you’re talking?”
“Pára de mandar gafanhotos para cima de mim!”

“Reality and you don’t get on, do they?”
“Tu e a realidade não se dão muito bem, não é?”

“You’ve got a face that would blow off manhole covers”
“Tens uma cara que até faz as tampas de esgoto saltarem.”

“Are you drunk?”
“Estás com os copos?”

“You’re a complete moron.”
“Ganda maluco!”

“You get on my nerves.”
“Tu irritas-me.”

“As a child, was your cradle rocked too close to the wall?”
“Quando eras puto, encostaram-te o berço à parede?”

“Idiot, Foul, Cretin, Imbecile”
“Idiota, parvo, cretino, imbecil”

Helping others

“What did your last slave die of?”
“O teu último escravo morreu de quê?”

“I’d help you, but I don’t like you.”
“Eu até te ajudava, mas não gosto de ti.”

“Do it yourself.”
“Faz tu.”

“Stop bothering me.”
“Pára de me chatear.”

Dealing with parents of children

“My God your children are ugly!”
“Meu Deus, as suas crianças são feias!”

“Your children are very attractive. Are they adopted?”
“As suas crianças são muito bonitas. São adoptadas?”

“How much for the little girl?”
“Quanto quer pela menina?”

Eating out

“How many of your customers have died?”
“Quantos clientes vossos morreram?”

“This restaurant isn’t as good as McDonald’s.”
“Este restaurante não é tão bom como o McDonald’s.”

“Did these fish die of radiation sickness?”
“Estes peixes morreram por causa de radiação?”

“For dessert, what would you suggest to get the taste of the main course out of my mouth?”
“Para sobremesa, o que me recomenda para tirar o gosto do prato principal da minha boca?”

Tem algo a declarar? (Do you have something to declare?)

“I like Spain better.”
“Prefiro Espanha.”

“Yes, I’m hungry.”
“Sim, tenho fome.”

“Only my genius.”
“Só o meu génio.”

“Long live Salazar.”
“Viva o Salazar.”

Note: Original concept by “Conrad Leviston“. It has been slightly modified to fit into Portugal’s culture.